


Hogwarts School of Satanic Sorcery

by MimsyStigg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 12:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18446984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MimsyStigg/pseuds/MimsyStigg
Summary: Voldemort is good, Hogwarts is evil and Harry is a goth. IDK.





	1. One

Harry was under the stairs when his letter came.

Hair straighteners in hand, he gripped the dark strands of his fringe between the metal clasps and swept them slowly across his face, careful to cover his eyes while ensuring his scar remained semi-visible beneath the curtain of black hair.

There was a heavy thump from the letterbox and Uncle Vernon shouted to him. 

Harry jumped, hissing as he knocked his scar with the burning metal. 

"Shit!" He hissed and lifted his fringe, staring painfully at his reflection, green eyes framed by the dark circles of his eyeliner.

"Post!" Uncle Vernon shouted again and Harry flicked his fringe back over his eyes and slipped on his glasses.

"POST!"

"I'm coming!" Harry shouted, slamming his way out of the dark cupboard and swearing as he grabbed the heavy pile of letters between his painted fingernails and threw them down on the coffee table before heading back to the sanctury of his cupboard.

Uncle Vernon glared at Harry. "And just where do you think you're going!" He snapped. "It's past 12 and you've been in that damned cupboard all morning."

Harry rolled his eyes and slumped onto one of the chairs. "Whatever." He said.

Vernon seemed to catch sight of Harry's hair and shot him a dissaproving look as he picked up thd mail and began to sort it, tossing the bills to one side and lecturing Harry about taking Petunia's straighteners.

Eventually there was just one envelope left. 

It was different to the others, black with red writing that seemed to glow and Harry felt strangely drawn to it. He leaned forward in his seat and caught sight of his own name.

Vernon paled.

"Petunia!" He shouted. "PETUNIA!"


	2. Two

Petunia went pale when she saw what Uncle Vernon was holding.

"But... how did they find us?" She asked, rubbing her hands together, her small eyes darting around the room, terrified.

Vernon ignored her and slammed the envelope onto the table. "I'll not have it!" He hissed at Harry, a vein bulging on his forehead. 

Harry just stared at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Harry snapped, reaching forward to trying to snatch the envelope from his Uncle's sweating palms. "Let me see that!" He demanded.

Vernon snapped the envelope from his reach.

"I said I'll not have it!"

Harry fixed the older man with a dangerous look, green eyes piecing him from behind the dark fringe. He could hear his aunt sobbing.

"Give me the letter." Harry said pointedly and Petunia sobbed.

"I'll not have it." Vernon said again desperately and Harry narrowed his eyes. The room began to darken around him and a tense static filled the air as the furniture began to shake. They could hear the chink of ornaments as they rattled on the mantlepiece.

"Give me the letter!" Harry said and something smashed to the floor.

"Do what he says Vernon for God's sake to what he says!"

Vernon didn't move "I'll not have it!" He shouted and Harry cried out in anger and the fireplace roared into flames, spitting fire into the small living room and causing Petunia to scream in terror.

Vernon saw his chance and hurled the crumpled letter into the flames, staring in horror as instead of incinerating it unfurled itself and smouldered in the pit, dark smoke rising from the burning folds, then morphing and merging into a huge, un-human form...


	3. Three

The Dursley's fire alarm screeched violently as the figure in the flames spluttered to life and began wafting dark smoke around the room and coughing violently.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" The strange man shouted and Harry stared at him in shock. 

He was nearly twice the height of Uncle Vernon and three times as wide, with a deep red tunic and thick brown beard that hid his face, out of which peered two dangerous, shining eyes.

"Well don't just stand there boy!" The man said, opening a dark umbrella and using it to waft the smoke around the room into a ball. "Open a bloody window!"

Harry shut his mouth and moved to the window, opening it and letting the black cloud escape. He watched as it pooled together, twisting it's way down the street.

"Uh is that supposed to happen?" Harry asked cautiously but the large man didn't reply and Harry turned to see him lift his umbrella and fire a bolt of dark energy at uncle Vernon that sent him flying across the room.

"Don't test me Dursley." The man said, then turned to Harry and held out his hand. "Rebeus Hagrid. Game keeper at Hogwarts School of Satanic Sorcery."

"Satanic Sorcery?" Harry asked, turning to Uncle Vernon who had hidden his face in his hands. "Cool!"

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry


End file.
